Ok, so here is the back story... because you care and all....

Picture it: Lancaster, PA. 2006. Josh and Andrea exchange vows... yadda, yadda. February 2007: Josh and Andrea decide it's time to make some babies!
August 2007: No babies.
February 2008: Still no babies... hmmmmm.
March 2008: Josh and Andrea go to respective doctors. Andrea's doctor says, "You're fine. You're husband is the problem!" Josh's doctor says, "You have a vericocele in your testicle! Must fix immediately with expensive surgery!"
July 2008: Vericocelectomy! Josh is fixed!
December 2008: Still no babies... HMMMMMM!
February 2009: See Reproductive Endocrinologist who declares, "At your age, the two of you should get pregnant by looking at each other!"
March 2009: Start expensive series of testing. RE knows within 1 minute of sticking ultrasound wand up Andrea's cooter that she has stage 4 endometriosis because endometriomas are smiling and waving for the ultrasound camera. Funny, because Andrea mentioned to first doctor that she thought she might have endometriosis and first doctor said, "Mere mortal with no MD... stop the self diagnostics! You are fine!"
April 2009: RE tells Josh and Andrea that IVF is the answer! RE has no shared risk program which would make Josh and Andrea feel more secure about spending ALL of their money on expensive procedures with no guarantee of success.
June 2009: Josh and Andrea find RE with shared risk program and sign their lives away!

So that's it in a nut shell. The Vericocelectomy was completely pointless because we had to go through IVF anyway. Sometimes I get so incredibly angry with my doctor that totally blew me off and said I was fine. He would have had to order a single ultrasound costing apx. $300 that would have saved my husband $20,000 worth of pointless surgery. Ok... I'm going to get preachy here for a second: When it comes to your reproductive health, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! If you really feel that something is wrong, make your doctor order additional tests! It could have saved us months of heartache and thousands of dollars. But, I digress....

As of today, I'm still pregnant. I had some weird brown blood on my progesterone inserter thinger so I immediately called my RE in a state of panic! She said that it was probably no big deal. My first ultrasound will be on Wednesday. Little did I know that getting the positive pregnancy test was only the beginning. I want to see that little heartbeat more than anything in the world....

Yours truly,

Andrea

I've been really, really bad at this. I started this blog to document my struggles with infertility. Unfortunately, I've felt like pooey shit through a lot of it. I enjoy being an upbeat sarcastic asshole! The moral of the story? I can't always make a joke out of being infertile. As a matter of fact, sometimes it really sucks. So sorry for not writing. Are excuses like assholes? no that saying is about opinions... I guess I'm just an excuse making asshole.

But hey, guess what?! After my second round of IVF, I'M PREGNANT! FUCK YEAH! It only took 3 years and about $32,000 but who's counting because I have a BABY on the way! Oh wait... I forgot about my husband's pointless vericocelectomy... make that $52,000.

So, new blog format. Since I've slacked with writing about how I got into this situation, I'll do current updates and flashbacks. Novel idea, I know. What do I have to lose?

Til we meet again!

Your not quite as infertile friend,

Andrea

Well... I've slacked. I haven't been updating and I apologize. I know everyone is so interested in my life (note sarcasm).

As you can see, my first round of in vitro did not work. I haven't written about it because it's been sort of depressing... and nobody likes to listen to a whiny bitch, so I thought I would just spare everyone.

Let's play get to know me better:
1. I have stage 4 endo.
2. I love my dog.
3. I love to bake delicious creations to stuff in my mouth.
4. I'm not very clean.
5. I hate to talk on the phone. HATE IT.
6. I am currently fun-employed, i.e. without a job, but not so secretly enjoying my new-found free time.
7. I went to school to be a lawyer but decided almost instantly that lawyers suck. Well, I suck because I finished law school, got licensed, and am now a sucky lawyer.
8. I love music. When I die, I hope heaven is sitting in a comfy bedroom listening to kick ass music all day long.
9. My dream is to one day own a bed and breakfast on one of the NY finger lakes.
10. I'm generally an angry, sarcastic person which makes me use the word fuck a lot. Sorry if you find it offensive. I find it completely necessary.


And there you have it... some useless information about me.

Andrea

Ready to start cycle #2. Oh fuck it. Ain't life grand.

You're probably asking (because you care so much about my life) why has Andrea failed to post when she had her egg retrieval two days ago?! Isn't that a monumental occasion that deserves immediate blog attention?!

Well, if I would have posted, it would have gone something like this:

Kill me. Kill me now. Hey stranger on the street, can you please kill me.

Ouch-i-hua-hua! Egg retrieval really smarted. Maybe I'm just a weenie. Probably.

So here's how the egg retrieval went:
-Arrive at RE's office at 8:30AM.
-Offer to give husband's semen sample to receptionist who looks at it like EWWWW
GROSS and tells us to just hold onto it.
-Taken back to recovery room, still holding semen sample.
-Wait for 45 minutes obsessively believing that semen sample is dying a slow
death because no one took it from us and put it in the special place where
semen samples go.
-During 45 minute wait, husband and I entertain ourselves by doing dramatic
interpretations of easy listening music coming through recovery room
speakers.
-Nurse (maybe she was a nurse. Sorry Jamie if you are something more
important....) asks if someone took our semen sample. We say no and she acts
shocked. Husband and I convinced that receptionist bitch killed our unborn
children by refusing to take icky semen sample. Fuck you receptionist bitch.
-Nurse convinces us that semen sample is fine and bitch receptionist is not a
murderer.
-Asked to change into hospital gown. Moon everyone.
-Given IV in the side of my wrist. I comment to anesthesiologist that side of
wrist location is weird and painful. Snarky anesthesiologist says, "I could
pull it out and give you a new one somewhere else, but then you would just hurt
in two places." Touche snarky anesthesiologist.
-Taken to procedure room.
-Fall asleep immediately.
-Wake up in recovery room. First question to nurse: How many eggs did you
get? Response: 25. Me: Would do white girl dance if I thought I wouldn't
fall over, bang my head on weird hospital bed, die and never have children
anyway.

This post is getting unreasonably long. That's what happens when two days go by with no blog entry.

Moral of the story: 25 eggs retrieved. When I called yesterday, they said 12 eggs had fertilized but more could fertilize in the next day. I will let you know when I know.

Thanks for caring,

Andrea

What?! A positive prego test?!

So, what is this picture of, you ask. Why has this silly, whiny bitch been complaining ad nauseum about her infertility woes when, gasp, she’s PREGNANT?!

Well, let me explain… FALSE POSITIVE, DUH! This is just one of the marvels of modern fertility medicine. So last night I injected myself with my “trigger shot.” This trigger shot, containing hCG, will make me ovulate in 36 hours which roughly coincides with the time of my egg retrieval. My doctor explained that hCG is the thingy (non-technical term) released by the placenta after an embryo implants. Pregnant women pee it out after conception. Hence, the piss test. Who knew that this shit could make you ovulate?! Crazy!

So, you know me (or not)… my curiosity got the best of me and I had to spend the next 12 hours obsessively Googling hCG Trigger Shot to find out what it is, what it does, etc., etc.

Let me copy and paste:

Because of its similarity to LH, hCG can also be used clinically to induce ovulation in the ovaries. As the most abundant biological source is women who are presently pregnant, some organizations collect urine from pregnant women to extract hCG for use in fertility treatment.

(gotta love wiki! Emphasis added by me)

Yes, that's right my dear readers. Last night I injected myself with the powdered piss of a pregnant woman. I can't decide if that's cool or if it just adds insult to injury. So, not only can you fertile bitches conceive naturally, accidentally, whatever, your nasty stinky pee-pee contains a magical elixir that can make my infertile ass ovulate. I would just like to say FUCK YOU AND YOUR FERTILITY, but I humbly thank you for your pee-pee....

Sincerely, your angry in-fer-tile,

Andrea